Wednesday, September 18, 2013

ITS BEEN A YEAR SINCE...

          IN MY RECENT DIGGING FOR SONGS TO SAMPLE, I, AFTER MANY YEARS CAME ACROSS THIS SONG AGAIN [SCROLL DOWN FOR THE MANHATTANS - AM I LOSING YOU] AND I'M STRUCK BY 1) HOW IT STRIKES A DIFFERENT CHORD WITH ME NOW, RELATING TO THE SONG LINE FOR LINE 2) HOW THE SONG IS SO ON POINT. WHAT MORE CAN BE SAID ABOUT THE SUBJECT, REALLY? THE LYRICS ARE SO SIMPLE, SINCERE, HONEST.

          WHILE THERE IS PAIN IN THE LYRICS AND IN THE VOICE OF THE ARTIST'S, THERE IS ALSO SWEETNESS AND BEAUTY (THAT MUCH WAS EVIDENT UPON MY FIRST LISTENING MANY YEARS AGO). LIKEWISE, WAS THE EXPERIENCE OF LOVING AND HAVING LOST. IT'S CRAZY TO THINK HOW THERE WAS ONCE NO DOUBT ON EITHER SIDE OF OUR HOPED-TO-BE FUTURE; THERE WAS NO QUESTION ABOUT IT. I'M AT TIMES DUMBFOUNDED BY HOW THINGS CHANGED, HOW QUICKLY THINGS CHANGED AND HOW MUCH HAD GONE OVERLOOKED. ALAS, IT'S ALL BEHIND MY SHOULDERS AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, ACCEPTED, KNOWING EVERYTHING HAPPENED WITH GOD'S REASONS -WHICH I'VE COME TO UNDERSTAND - AND IT'S ALL FOR THE BEST. THIS IS NOT TO BELITTLE ALL THAT WAS SHARED, NOR IS IT TO SAY THE EXPERIENCE, THE SIX YEARS SPENT, WAS WITHOUT JOY, LOVE AND LEARNING. THOUGH THE LAST FEW PARAGRAPHS OF THAT CHAPTER OF MY LIFE WERE MY WORST DAYS, ALL IN ALL, THAT CHAPTER WAS THEN THE HAPPIEST TIME OF MY LIFE. EVERY OUNCE OF ENERGY, EVERY SECOND OF TIME, EVERY CENT SPENT WAS WELL WORTH IT, EVEN IF IT TO SOME WOULD SEEM LIKE ALL WAS FOR NAUGHT, EVEN IF IN THE END, LOSS, LAST YEAR'S LOSS AND MY MOST TRAGIC LOSS AT THAT, WOULD COME. GOD KNOWS I DID MY BEST.

          REFLECTING MOMENTARILY, BUT LOOKING FORWARD ALWAYS :)


Saturday, March 23, 2013

GUILTY AS CHARGED

     I'M HARDLY ONE TO SPEND OR BUY MANY THINGS FOR MYSELF. BIG PURCHASES ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN. HOWEVER, I HAVE BEEN BUYING A LOT OF CLOTHES AS OF LATE, ALBEIT WITH GREAT DEALS AND SAVINGS--THRIFT-SHOPPING, EVEN, SOMETHING MY BEST FRIEND GOT ME INTO LAST SUMMER (THANK YOU!). ON THAT NOTE, I LOVE THRIFT-SHOPPING. IT TAKES TIMES OF COURSE, AND THAT'S PART OF THE FUN, BUT PUTTING IN TIME HAS SURELY YIELDED GREAT RESULTS. OH THE STEALS I'VE COME ACROSS! I MIGHT EVEN HAVE A POST DEDICATED TO THRIFT-SHOPPING! ANY WAY, IT'S QUITE A FEELING TO SEE THE RESULTS OF MY BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS IN A TANGIBLE FORM, PARTICULARLY IN THE FORM OF CLOTHES. WITH THE WAY I WAS RAISED, I'M ACCUSTOMED TO HAVING THE SAME THINGS FOR A LONG TIME, TAKING CARE OF THOSE THINGS, MAKING THEM LAST, SO THE UPDATING OF THE WARDROBE--SOMETHING I HAVEN'T DONE IN A LONG TIME--HAS BEEN A BREATH OF FRESH AIR, TRULY INVIGORATING. PERHAPS I'VE BEEN HOLDING OUT ON MYSELF FOR FAR TOO LONG. PERHAPS THOSE PURCHASES FOR MYSELF HAVE BEEN BUT A LONG-AWAITED, WELL-DESERVED REWARD; AND HOW OFTEN DO I REWARD MYSELF? HARDLY. OF THAT, I'M GUILTY AS CHARGED...

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

3-12-13 THE SIGNIFICANCE OF A GAME

     A FEW WORDS AS A NOTE TO SELF: HS. PANATA. HOME. RUZZLE. UNKNOWINGLY. TIMING.

3-12-13 NIGHTMARE: SMILING FACES



     I HAD THIS NIGHTMARE THAT WAS LIKE A COMBINATION OF JAWS AND FINAL DESTINATION....
     A GROUP OF FIVE FRIENDS AND I WERE ON SOME TROPICAL ISLAND, PARTICIPATING IN THIS POPULAR TOURIST ATTRACTION, A RACE FROM ONE ISLAND TO ANOTHER, REQUIRING US TO TRAVEL THROUGH BOTH JUNGLE AND OCEAN. WE HAD BEEN ON THE MAIN ISLAND FOR A FEW DAYS, MAKING FRIENDS WITH THE LOCALS AND OTHER TEAMS, TRAINING RIGOROUSLY WHILE SOAKING UP THE CULTURE AND CHANGE OF SCENE. I HAD A VISION THAT IF WE WERE TO CONTINUE WITH THIS RACE, WE'D MEET A TRAGIC FATE AND BE TORN APART BY GREAT WHITE SHARKS =/. IT WASN'T UNTIL THE DAY OF, NOT TOO LONG BEFORE THE RACE BEGAN, THAT I TOLD MY TEAMMATES OF MY VISION AND CONCERNS. AS WE, TOGETHER WITH OUR SPONSOR--ONE OF THE VILLAGE CHIEFS--WERE PREPARING OUR SUPPLIES, I SHARED MY VISION AND WORRIES. THE CHIEF SAID THAT HE TOO FELT SOME STRANGE, OMINOUS PRESENCE LINGERING IN THE AIR, BUT SINCE WE HAD ALREADY MADE A GREAT IMPRESSION ON THE LOCALS, MOST OF WHOM WERE ROOTING FOR OUR TEAM IN PARTICULAR, WITH THE TIME AND ENERGY WE PUT INTO TRAINING AND WITH THE GRAND PRIZE, HE SAID THERE WAS SIMPLY TOO MUCH AT STAKE, TO WHICH MY TEAMMATES AGREED WITH CHEER. THEY TOLD ME NOT TO WORRY, BUT NOTHING THEY WOULD TELL ME LESSENED MY FEARS. MY VISION, WHICH FELT ALL TOO REAL, I KNEW WOULD COME TRUE. NONETHELESS, WE CONTINUED PREPARING OUR THINGS. WE, TOGETHER WITH THE OTHER NINE TEAMS BOARDED A LARGE BOAT AND WERE TAKEN TO A SMALLER ISLAND, THE STARTING POINT OF OUR RACE. ALL TEAMS WERE BROUGHT INTO THE JUNGLE AND SPREAD OUT. A GUNSHOT WAS FIRED AND SO BEGAN THE RACE.
     WE TREKKED THROUGH STEAMING JUNGLE, HACKING AWAY AT FOLIAGE WITH MACHETES, JUMPING GAPS, SCALING JAGGED WALLS UNTIL WE APPROACHED THE COAST WHERE OUR SMALL BOAT AND PADDLES WERE. THOUGH CUT, BRUISED AND FATIGUED, MY FRIENDS CHEERED, RUNNING TOWARDS THE BOAT, DRAGGING IT FROM THE SAND INTO THE OCEAN. I LAGGED, STARING BLANKLY INTO THE OCEAN, WORRIED, AFRAID. MY FRIENDS CALLED OUT TO ME. "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?" THEY ASKED. AGAIN, I WARNED THEM, DOING MY BEST TO CONVINCE THEM, MY VOICE SHAKING. THE CONCERN IN MY VOICE WAS EVIDENT, BUT HOW FAR WE HAD COME AND THE GRAND PRIZE THAT LIE IN WAIT OVERTOOK MY FRIENDS YET AGAIN. "NO ONE ELSE HAS EVEN REACHED THEIR BOATS YET! WE'VE GOT THIS! COME ON! LET'S GO!" ONE OF THEM SAID, ONE BY ONE THE REST ECHOED THE WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT. I TOOK ONE LAST GLANCE AT THE OCEAN, SCANNING FROM LEFT TO RIGHT AND WITH UNCERTAINTY AND SOME REGRET FOR WHAT MAY COME TO PASS, MADE MY WAY FOR THE BOAT. PERHAPS MY VISION WOULD BE OF HELP. WHEN I SEE THE SHARKS COMING I'D WARN EVERYONE. MAYBE WE COULD CHANGE THINGS I THOUGHT TO MYSELF. WE PADDLED AND BEGAN OUR TRIP ACROSS THE OCEAN. THINGS WERE CALM. THE OCEAN, CALM. WIND, CALM. I FELT A LITTLE MORE AT EASE, BUT MY HORRIFYING VISION FLASHED IN MY MIND FROM TIME TO TIME AND WHEN IT WOULD, I TRIED TO SHAKE IT OFF. WE WERE HALFWAY TO THE MAIN ISLAND. ONLY THEN DID WE SEE OTHER BOATS IN THE DISTANCE. THEY WERE BUT DOTS OF A PAINTED SCENERY. WE WERE AHEAD, LIGHT YEARS AHEAD. THE TEAM CHEERED. MORALE WAS HIGH. WE MOVED FORWARD. I SMILED. *BUMP* "DID WE HIT SOMETHING?" A FRIEND ASKED. I RESPONDED, ASKING "OR DID SOMETHING HIT US?" I HAD TWO FRIENDS FOCUS ON PADDLING, WITH TWO OTHERS AND I ON GUARD, MACHETES READY. I SAW DORSAL FINS SKIMMING THROUGH THE SURFACE OF THE WATER, ONE FAR LARGER THAN THE OTHERS. "THEY'RE HERE," I SAID. MY VISION WAS COMING TRUE. HELPLESSNESS BEGAN TO SINK IN. WE COUNTED THREE FINS AS OUR BONES RATTLED, SHRINKING IN FEAR. *BUMP* ANOTHER NUDGE. *BUMP* ANOTHER NUDGE, STRONGER THAN THE LAST. "AHHHH," A FRIEND YELLED, FALLING INTO THE OCEAN. "HELP!" HELP!" THE FINS DISAPPEARED. IN SECONDS, HE WAS CARRIED AWAY. "NO!!!" WE SCREAMED IN UNISON. "WAIT! HE'S OK." HE WASN'T BITTEN. HE WAS HOLDING ONTO THE DORSAL FIN. HE HELD ON WITH BOTH HANDS AS THE SHARK CONTINUED TO COAST NEAR THE WATER'S SURFACE. WITH ALL HIS MIGHT, HE TRIED PULLING ON THE FIN, TRYING TO TEAR IT APART, BUT IT WAS FAR TOO STRONG. MACHETE IN HAND, HE HACKED AWAY AT THE FIN ONE CHOP AT A TIME UNTIL IT GAVE. "I GOT IT!" HE SCREAMED, DRIVING THE MACHETE INTO THE FRESH WOUND." THE SHARK BEGAN TO SINK SLOWLY. "I GOT IT!" WE STARED IN DISBELIEF. *SPLASH* ANOTHER SHARK--BY THIS TIME WE HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE OTHER SHARKS--CAME FROM THE OCEAN DEPTHS, LEAPT INTO THE AIR AND TOOK OUR FRIEND ON THE WAY DOWN, A TRAIL OF SCARLET DISSIPATING INTO THE BLUE-GREENISH WATERS. "NOOOO!!!" WE ALL CRIED OUT, OUR JOY SHORT-LIVED, REPLACED QUICKLY BY THE PIERCING PANGS OF GRIEF. HE WAS ONE OF THE BRAVEST, ONE OF THE STRONGEST MEMBERS OF THE GROUP. "STAY FOCUSED GUYS. WE HAVE TO KEEP CALM. WE HAVE TO KEEP MOVING," I SAID. AND SO WE DID, WITH TWO SHARKS LEFT, FINS NOWHERE IN SIGHT. WE WERE ABOUT THREE QUARTERS OF THE WAY TO THE MAIN ISLAND. OTHER TEAMS WERE STILL FAR BEHIND, WHILE WE WERE STILL IN THE LEAD. *BUMP* "THEY'RE BACK!" A FRIEND CRIED OUT. *BUMP* A SECOND NUDGE AND THEN A THIRD. THE SHARKS WERE HUNGRY. *BUMP* WITH THE FOURTH AND MOST VIOLENT CHARGE AT THE BOAT, ANOTHER FRIEND FELL OVERBOARD. I LEANED OVER THE BOAT QUICKLY EXTENDING MY HAND. OUR HANDS MET. FINGERS LOCKED. JUST AS I BEGAN PULLING HER UP, SHE WAS TUGGED THE OPPOSITE WAY IN THE JAWS OF A SHARK AND SHE DISAPPEARED WITH A CRY, A HAUNTING, SHRILL CRY THAT SCARRED MY MEMORY AND RESONATED IN MY MIND AND EARS FROM THAT POINT ON. SHE TOO WAS A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE, JUST AS EVERYONE ELSE WAS. I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT THE GRAND PRIZE. WE HAD TO SURVIVE. WE HAD TO LIVE. WE CONTINUED MOVING FORWARD, WITH EACH PASSING SECOND  LIKE AN HOUR, MOVING WHAT SEEMED TO BE BUT AN INCH AT A TIME DESPITE OUR STRENUOUS EFFORTS ACROSS THE VAST OCEAN. THE WATERS AGAIN WERE STILL. SINCE THE LAST, AGONIZING SCREAM, NOT A VOICE WAS HEARD. WE ALL KEPT SILENT. WE KEPT WATCH WITH VIGILANCE. WE ROWED. TIRED, OUR PACE SLOWED, SO I CALLED FOR A SWITCH OF DUTIES. SHUFFLING DUTIES PUT US AT A BETTER PACE, THOUGH WE WERE ALL DRAINED. TWO FRIENDS AND I WERE ON PADDLES; THE OTHER TWO ON WATCH. "'I'M SORRY WE ALL LOST TWO OF OUR FRIENDS,' I SAID, 'THEY WERE GOOD PEOPLE. I KNOW WE'RE ALL VERY MUCH TORN, SAD, BUT...WE HAVE TO MAKE IT. THAT COULD'VE BEEN ANY OF US BACK THERE. WHETHER WE WIN OR LOSE, WE HAVE TO MAKE TO THE ISLAND, FOR THEM, THAT THEIR SACRIFICES WON'T BE IN VAIN. THEY WOULD'VE WANTED THAT. SO WE HAVE TO MAKE IT TO THE END. AGREED?" THE TEAM NODDED AND ANSWERED QUIETLY. I SMILED A HALF SMILE. *BUMP* WE ALL FELL INTO THE WATER. THE BOAT TURNED OVER. "IS EVERYONE ALRIGHT? WE HAVE TO FLIP THE BOAT AND GET BACK IN. GO, GO, GO," I SAID. I LOOKED BEHIND ME. A FIN WAS HEADING STRAIGHT FOR ME, QUICKLY. AT THAT MOMENT, I CLOSED MY EYES AND SAID A SHORT, SILENT PRAYER. THE OTHERS FLIPPED THE BOAT OVER, GOT BACK IN AND STARTED DUMPING WATER OUT OF IT A HANDFUL AT A TIME. I STARTED CLIMBING INTO THE BOAT WHEN SOMETHING SLAMS AGAINST MY SIDE, KNOCKING THE BREATHE OUT OF MY LUNGS. THE BOAT ROCKED SOME, BUT MY FRIENDS WERE OKAY. I GASPED FOR AIR, ONE HAND HOLDING THE SIDE OF THE BOAT, THE OTHER, A MACHETE. I TRIED TO FEEL AROUND THE WATER FOR THE SHARK, BUT IT WAS GONE. HHOLDING THE MACHETE IN REVERSE TO STAB DOWNWARD, I READIED MYSELF, TIGHTENING MY GRIP. I FELT A SURGE OF WATER AGAINST MY SIDE, FEELING THE SHARK MISSED A NUDGE, BUT JUST BARELY. AIMLESSLY, NOT CERTAIN THE SHARK WAS ANYWHERE NEARBY, I DROVE THE MACHETE DOWNWARD AND I FELT THE BLADE MEET FLESH. I PIERCED THE SHARK A FEW FEET BEHIND ITS HEAD. THE SHARK SWAYED LEFT AND RIGHT AND BEGAN TO SWIM AWAY FROM THE BOAT, TAKING ME AND MY MACHETE ALONG WITH IT. MY FRIENDS AT THE BOAT, BEWILDERED, WATCHED AS I FADED AWAY. THE LAST WORDS THEY HEARD ME SAY WERE "KEEP GOING," HEARD EVER SO FAINTLY FROM A DISTANCE.
     BEATEN UP BY BOTH THE CRASHING WATER AND VIOLENT MOVEMENTS OF THE SHARK, I JUST HELD ON TO THE MACHETE. I HELD ON FOR MY DEAR LIFE. THE SHARK SLOWED DOWN SOME AND AS IT DID, AND AFTER A BREATHER, I GRABBED HOLD OF THE DORSAL FIN, REMOVED THE MACHETE FROM THE SHARK'S BACK AND DROVE INTO IT'S FACE, GAUGING ITS EYE. I REMOVED THE MACHETE FROM THE LEFT EYE AND PIERCED ITS RIGHT EYE. I THEN DROVE THE MACHETE RIGHT INTO ITS SKULL. THE SHARK, LIFELESS, STOPPED MOVING AND BEGAN SINKING. I HADN'T REALIZED THAT THE SHARK BROUGHT ME CLOSE TO SHORE. I SWAM THE REST OF THE WAY, GRATEFUL WHEN MY FEET FINALLY TOUCHED SAND AGAIN. I LAID IN THE SAND, STARED AT THE SKY, SQUINTING SOMEWHAT BECAUSE OF THE BRIGHT SUN. I MADE A SAND ANGEL, SMILED A FULL SMILE AND IN EXHAUSTION, FELL UNCONSCIOUS...

Sunday, March 10, 2013

MY FAVORITE SUNDAYS

     IT HAS BEEN THREE MONTHS NOW, THREE MONTHS SINCE WE RECEIVED THE INSTRUCTION RE: NOT HAVING GMMS RIGHT AFTER WORSHIP SERVICES. SINCE, WE'VE BEEN HOLDING OUR MONTHLY MEETING AT A BROTHER'S HOUSE LIKE DAYS OF OLD. ATTENDANCE HAS CHANGED DRASTICALLY, GARNERING NEARLY HALF THE NUMBERS AS BEFORE, BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, THE QUALITY OF OUR GMMS HAS INCREASED GREATLY, FOR WHICH I'M BOTH GRATEFUL AND SURPRISED, VERY SURPRISED. I KNOW THAT BEING IN A HOUSE (AS OPPOSED TO THE OUTDOOR PATIO OF THE HALL OR INSIDE THE HALL) CHANGES THE DYNAMICS OF THINGS, ALLOWING FOR A MORE AT-EASE, CALM, OPEN ATMOSPHERE, A BIG FACTOR NO DOUBT. HOWEVER, THE CONTENTS OF THE MEETING HAVEN'T BEEN COMPLEX AT ALL--THEY'VE BEEN SIMPLE, REALLY--NOR HAVE THEY BEEN THE FLASHIEST IN TERMS OF PRESENTATION IF AND WHEN PRESENTATIONS ARE INVOLVED; SOMETIMES, THERE AREN'T MANY SPEAKERS; SOMETIMES I'M THE ONLY SPEAKER (NOT THAT THE MEETINGS JUST CONSISTS OF "TALKING" FOR THE WHOLE MEETING, MIND YOU HAHAHA); IN ADDITION, I ADMIT THAT I NEED TO PUT MORE TIME INTO PREPARING THE MATERIALS, TO INVOLVE MORE PEOPLE AND NOT BE LAST MINUTE WITH THINGS; ALL OF THE ABOVE ARE ALL THE MORE REASON FOR MY BEING SURPRISED BY THE SUCCESS OF OUR GMMS, SUCCESS BEING DEFINED AS THE BRETHREN'S ENJOYMENT AND BENEFIT, MADE EVIDENT BY THE SMILES, LAUGHS AND MORE. WHILE I CAN SAY THAT I HAVE LEARNED MUCH WITH THE SUCCESS OVER THESE LAST MONTHS, THE SUCCESS IS BECAUSE OF AND COMES FROM NONE OTHER THAN GOD. THOUGH I'M FAR FROM BEING A GOOD PRESIDENT, THOUGH I OFTEN PROCRASTINATE AND NEED TO DO SO MUCH MORE NOT ONLY FOR MYSELF BUT FOR OTHERS MOST ESPECIALLY, GOD SEES ME TRYING; GOD IS WITH ME; I KNOW IT; I CAN FEEL, WHAT A JOY IT IS TO KNOW THAT GOD IS BY MY SIDE, UNDESERVING AS I AM OF SUCH A GRACE. WITH GOD'S HELP, SOME BRETHREN WHO DON'T NORMALLY ATTEND OUR MEETINGS ARE NOW STARTING TO, I'M GETTING CLOSER TO BRETHREN I HAVEN'T BEEN CLOSE TO, THE BRETHREN ARE BETTER ENJOYING OUR MEETINGS AND I, MYSELF, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF BEING PRESIDENT, AM LEARNING AND FEEL LIKE I'M ACTUALLY "GETTING IT" NOW--ALL THESE SUCCESSES ARE GOD'S DOING, GOD'S GUIDANCE, GOD'S GOODNESS. UPON CLOSING A MEETING, ASIDE FROM EATING MORE OF COURSE, WE'VE BEEN WALKING THE WALKING DEAD AND OR PLAYING GAMES. TODAY, WE WATCHED THE WALKING DEAD AND THE EPISODE AND LIKEWISE THE LIVING ROOM WE WERE IN WAS FULL OF TENSION. WE JOKED, LAUGHED, SCREAMED TOGETHER. WE HAD A GOOD TIME. I CAME TO THE MEETING TIRED, HAVING PICKED UP BRETHREN AS WELL AS SOME FOOD BEFORE, DRAINED ALSO BY THE USUAL SUNDAY SCHEDULE OF PERFORMANCE IN BOTH ADULTS AND CWS SERVICES AS WELL AS PRACTICES, ATOP GENERAL PRACTICE THIS PARTICULAR SUNDAY. DURING AND AFTER QUALITY TIME AND FELLOWSHIP WITH BRETHREN, RENEWED IN STRENGTH, THE FATIGUE WAS GONE. I KNOW FULLY WELL WHY SUCH A GRACE HAS BEEN GIVEN; IT COMES WITH ANOTHER BLESSING, ONE OF THE GREATEST ONES RECEIVED, A BLESSING RECEIVED THE SAME MONTH THAT THE NEW INSTRUCTION WAS TO BE IMPLEMENTED. KAD. GMM SUNDAYS, THE SECOND SUNDAY OF THE MONTH IN MOST CASES, HAVE BECOME MY FAVORITE SUNDAYS...

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

TO LET GO AND TO LET GOD

     WHETHER TROUBLED BY THE INSURMOUNTABLE, WHETHER WANTING OR NEEDING A PARTICULAR BLESSING, WHETHER SEEKING FOR ANSWERS IN CONFUSION AND HELPLESSNESS OR WITH A CLEAR MIND AND CALM HEART, TO LET GO AND TO LET GOD AS THEY SAY, IS THE FIRST STEP TO RECEIVING ANSWERS AND SOLUTIONS. WE HAVE NEEDS BECAUSE THIS ISN'T PARADISE. WE HAVE QUESTIONS BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING. WE, BEING HUMAN, BEING IMPERFECT, ARE WEAK, AS GOD INTENDED, THAT THE STRENGTH OF HE, THE ALL-POWERFUL AND ALL-KNOWING, MAY BE SHOWN IN AND THROUGH US. TO LET GO AND TO LET GOD, IS TO HUMBLE ONESELF, TO KNOW IN FULLNESS, WITH FIRM FAITH, THAT NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD, KNOWING FULLY THAT GOD CAN AND WILL PROVIDE--SO LONG AS WE DO OUR SHARE TO ASK AND WORK FOR THAT WHICH WE PLEAD. THAT SAID, HOW CAN WE NOT BE AT EASE? SUCH IS THE MEANS TO MY CALMNESS AND PEACE OF MIND.
     AS MENTIONED, LETTING GO AND LETTING GOD IS BUT THE FIRST STEP, THE FIRST STEP OF MANY AND THUS, WHAT LIES BEFORE US IS A STAIRCASE. SOMETIMES THE STAIRCASE IS SHORT. SOMETIMES IT'S MINDBOGGLINGLY LONG, WITH TWISTS, TURNS AND EVEN OBSTACLES ALONG THE WAY. EITHER WAY, THE PATH TO THE ANSWERS AND SOLUTIONS WE SEEK IS JUST THAT, A PATH, AND WITH THIS PATH, FOR US, IS A JOURNEY. EASY TO TRAVERSE OR NOT, HOWEVER LONG OR PERILOUS THE JOURNEY, THE WAY BETWEEN POINT A AND B, WITH POINT B BEING THE DOOR BEHIND WHICH LIES OURS ANSWERS, THE JOURNEY IS THERE TO SHAPE US. SO OUR WANTS, NEEDS, TROUBLES AND QUESTIONS ARE NOT MERELY DAILY, HUMAN CONCERNS, BUT THEY ARE ALSO OPPORTUNITIES FOR THE MOLDING OF OUR CHARACTER, OUR GROWTH. ANSWERS, PEACE AND GROWTH: IT ALL BEGINS WITH LETTING GO AND LETTING GOD...

*3-10-13 edit: Surely enough, a few days after posting this blog and for the rest of that week, severe trials came. They began just as I was preparing for midweek services, some hours before, the lesson being about tests, about trusting in God! The timing!

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

DREAMS AND QUESTIONS

     DREAMS. WHAT ARE YOU? ARE YOU MY LIVING, BREATHING UNCONSCIOUS? ARE YOU MY WORST FEARS? MY DEEPEST DARKEST SECRETS? THE WISHES OF MY HEART? A GLIMPSE OF THE FUTURE? ARE YOU A SECRET MESSAGE AWAITING TO BE DECODED AND UNDERSTOOD FOR MY SELF-BETTERMENT? SOMETIMES YOU ARE ALL THESE THINGS AND MORE, SOMETIMES ONE MORE OFTEN THAN THE OTHER. I CAN'T QUITE LAY MY FINGER ON WHAT YOU ARE OR WHY YOU ARE--HOW FRUSTRATING--I WISH TO UNDERSTAND. PERHAPS IT'S BUT VANITY TO UNDERSTAND. REGARDLESS, HUMAN AS I AM, I WISH THAT DREAMS OF MY CHOOSING CAME TRUE. ON THE OTHER HAND, HOWEVER, MORE IMPORTANTLY, I DO HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING OF PRAYER, ITS POWER. I CAN PRAY TO MY GOD, MY MAKER, MY PROVIDER, AND HUMBLY ASK THAT THESE DREAMS BE GRANTED SHOULD THEY NOT BE AGAINST HIS WILL AND PLANS FOR ME. I CAN WORK DILIGENTLY TO SHOW HOW EARNESTLY I DESIRE SUCH GRACE, TO BE WORTHY FOR SUCH GRACE OR AT LEAST AS CLOSE TO IT AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. IN THE MEAN TIME, AS I PRAY AND WORK, I HOPE TO DREAM WELL, WITH MY DREAMS AS INSPIRATION, FUEL, TO MOVE FORWARD...